the silent me

i had a dream when i was young: i wanted to communicate without talking. how great would it be to live the life of a mute, silently, i would use other means like signing or writing to express myself. but i nv got to realise this dream.

i'm a person who doesn't like to talk much. quiet. solitary. if you know the cheery, outgoing me.. i can say it's not the real me. i realised i've been shaped by my surroundings much to become more outspoken. more determined. to have a goal in mind. to realised my dreams. to try and have confidence in things that i do.

but in actual fact, i am pretty the opposite deep down inside. i like to hide my feelings. i like to keep thoughts to myself. i lack confidence in things i do. i like to 'have no idea of what's happening'.. i like to idle the whole day away without regret. i like time alone. only by spending quiet times alone, stoning, staring into space, seeing the scenery, wondering what's to happen nx, would i 'find myself'.

not that i hate who i am now. i'm not going crazy. hah. in fact i thank my surroundings for moulding me. it's a fortunate thing being able to talk. you can learn many different languages. getting people to understand what you're trying to express is never any easier and convenient. i've always wondered what is 'to have a good talk w someone'.. for me, it's a hard thing to achieve. i rarely bare my thoughts completely.

i'm not surprised to find myself ignoring the surroundings. at times, i dun even give a damn to who just walked past when i'm in my own world. unless i'm back in reality, or you happen to hit me outta my world, only then will you hear 'hi' from me. what can i say, i'm a dreamy and silent fish. hah.

Because I am a Girl

was watching 换换爱, a taiwan series drama.. there was this conversation between e guy and e girl which struck me:

guy: 我发现..你害怕..得到别人的照顾还有帮助。
(i realised that you're afraid of receiving care and help from others)
girl: 我必须相信自己可以..这样活者比较不累啊。
(I have to believe that I can handle.. that way, life would be less tiring)
guy: 可是一般来说..一直坚持靠自己的人..不是更应该比较累吗？你怎么觉得不累啊？
(but usually.. wouldn't someone feel more tired when she has only herself to depend on? aren't you tired?)
girl: 那是别人又不是我.. 我亲身体验的是.. 期待永远不会发生的事情..那样才累吧!
(that's somone else, not me.. my own experience tells me that expecting something that wouldn't even happen.. would be even more tiring~)

really kudos to the female character.. her attitute rocks.. i wished i could be like her.. I guess its ok to be strong.. but anyone would still have his/her weak side which may not be shown to others. we are still humans afterall.. and it's no harm to receive help from others.. especially when you need it.. however, i think when you keep receiving help from others, you somehow feel indebt to him/her.. such that you think you owe the person a favour.. and if he/she doesn't need u to return the favour, it seems to accumulate w the rest of the unreturned-favours.. unknowingly, you'll start to feel tired.. =( i owe this person this.. owe that person that.. this person helped me before..... life that way would be too tiring.. why not pass on the favour? =) ie. be of help to someone else as well, expecting no return of favour.. "credit, debit" its a matter of balance..

though females are seen as e weaker sex, somethings good about being a girl:
girls tend to get into more trouble, yet you're more likely to find help from pple..
girls do not get forced to serve ns.
girls get more recognition when both sexes accomplish something tough.. (like serving NS.. -_-")

girls are naturally more cared for.. the society's like that.. say what gender equality and what not.. we're born physically weaker by nature.. so why not get help when you need it? but when it comes to things like opening a door, carrying a box of things.. i guess these things that we can do ourselves, we should do it.. in other words, we shouldn't depend too much on others for help. self-help is the best help. hah.

and sometimes.. the help you receive is far more than expected..

you're really thank-god grateful.. =)

双鱼座..

双鱼座的人喜欢以”也许”，”或许”来代替是与否的回答，但那或许只是毫无原因的规避．双鱼座的人对明天不会抱持着期待对昨天却又有种直觉的认知，对於今天则以温柔容忍的方式面对．有时她说的话也颇令人费解，这是因为她对於真理的了解，是无法以言语来表达的．双鱼座的人一直都在燃烧自己，照亮别人的生命．

双鱼座的人看来有些柔弱，但轫性却相当强，可以很快的就适应各种环境及人，事，物、她有相当好的才能，想像力也相当丰富，随时都在做梦，看来有些不够实际；但个性上相当多变，所以会有些令人觉得难以捉摸，就好像是个外星人．

她的感情充沛，并且处处站在别人的立场着想，所以常会牺牲自己来完成别人的事情，她是体贴的，又有许多浪漫的思想．

双鱼座的人有时会有点不负责任，以逃避的方式面对该负的责任，这点是需要改进的．