the silent me

i had a dream when i was young: i wanted to communicate without talking. how great would it be to live the life of a mute, silently, i would use other means like signing or writing to express myself. but i nv got to realise this dream.

i'm a person who doesn't like to talk much. quiet. solitary. if you know the cheery, outgoing me.. i can say it's not the real me. i realised i've been shaped by my surroundings much to become more outspoken. more determined. to have a goal in mind. to realised my dreams. to try and have confidence in things that i do.

but in actual fact, i am pretty the opposite deep down inside. i like to hide my feelings. i like to keep thoughts to myself. i lack confidence in things i do. i like to 'have no idea of what's happening'.. i like to idle the whole day away without regret. i like time alone. only by spending quiet times alone, stoning, staring into space, seeing the scenery, wondering what's to happen nx, would i 'find myself'.

not that i hate who i am now. i'm not going crazy. hah. in fact i thank my surroundings for moulding me. it's a fortunate thing being able to talk. you can learn many different languages. getting people to understand what you're trying to express is never any easier and convenient. i've always wondered what is 'to have a good talk w someone'.. for me, it's a hard thing to achieve. i rarely bare my thoughts completely.

i'm not surprised to find myself ignoring the surroundings. at times, i dun even give a damn to who just walked past when i'm in my own world. unless i'm back in reality, or you happen to hit me outta my world, only then will you hear 'hi' from me. what can i say, i'm a dreamy and silent fish. hah.