term break

geez, haven't been updating.. i managed to attend all my lessons last week! *yay*.. and since monday i've tried to trap myself in school to mug my life away.. accompanied by fellow muggers (w their mugs somemore -_-").. taking a break today to meet up w pple.. was kind of wondering if i should.. since the response isn't as well as i'd expected =( but i still think i should. afterall it has been quite some time since the last gathering. well, it's pple's choice whether they wanna come. it's my choice whether i wanna organise. =| i've realised it's quite a distress to organise gatherings. hah. but i shall jiayou! =) afterall, they are people whom i'd spent part of my life with and i do wish to catch up with..

was just playing along at this website called facebook.. woah.. it's so complicated! but apparently it seems quite fun and happening. haha. but i guess shall stop at it for now.. studies first! yeah! i'll strive to spend my last 2 days before the paper effectively! >.< there goes my 'one week break'..

yay.

my 2nd plant tut after 5 weeks of school!!. >.< watched a video on plant. it was not the usual expected-boring-kind.. it gave an insight on how plants reproduce and thrive under different conditions and environment. =) like small flowering plants after winter.. like fungi which even went to the extent of killing c.elegans as their source of nitrogen.. like the grasslands after the elephants knock down the acacia trees.. why grasses have horizontal stems.. like mountain ash after a forest fire.. wonder where the prof got his videos from.. i heard the other 2 were not bad as well.. gee.. anyhow, starting from nx term it's gg to be another prof le.. no more videos.. =(

anyway, today i sat in for 2 small talks.. both FOC related. finally it's time for handover.. kinda disappointed that i wanna be involved yet my timing doesn't allow me to.. but i'm glad there are still souls around to continue this passion.. and i'm all excited to see the formation of yet another commitee.. kinda headache too.. it's really a matter of choice.. =) choose wisely! wish them all the best for nx year.. most prob i can't even pop by for the actual camp. =(

yay. one week before term break! two weeks before exam!

last week

geez, i can start countdown towards my first paper of this sem: 1st Oct, which is in 13 days. >.<

yet, i've been a bad student for the week that just passed. i gave e plant bio tut on tues a miss. which i thought later that it was quite impt. i guessed i've "been myself" this week - not knowing what i've been doing, and slacking without regrets. hahz. but anyway, i enjoyed a sumptuous dinner w mh at fish & co that night. =) luckily for the nx few days i did go sch, attend lectures as per normal. so it wasn't that bad. BUT i happened to gave fri's lessons a miss too. (i practically overslept, woke up to realise that i've decided to self-study and give everything a miss) but i kinda 'woke up' on fri evening..

was supposed to attend a briefing for an invigilation job the following morning (sat). i had worked once before, and so i thought the briefing venue was still at the original location 2 years ago. but it wasn't. apparently the office has moved. so while i was trying to recall solely based on my memory how to get to the original location, the briefing was gonna start elsewhere. i was stunned for a moment when i realised the office wasn't where it used to be le. what the hell am i doing here? >.< i felt tt i was left alone at the point of time. felt that i was 'left behind' in time.. i was still harbouring on things that are history and no longer there anymore. it made me wonder if i am having the same attitude towards my life.. am i still living in the past?? 我觉得我似乎还是停留在从前.. but i trust myself to say that i've moved on.. it was just that briefing location, that's all. (move on doesn't mean erasing the past. i still hold on to them..)

i dun see what's so bad about holding on to something.. =( esp things that you really treasure.. btw admist being a slacker in school, i've managed to catch meaningful drama to sorta 'enrich myself'.. I'm an emotional person, who likes romance and love stories, but not those typical and mushy kinds.. there are two which i've watched and think they're really nice. (perhaps can show during immisceo huh?) the titles: Be With You and Tada, Kimi wo Aishiteru (aka Heavenly Forest) they are as good as the lakehouse and secret in my opinion.

anyway, weekend was pretty good. invigilated, gave tuition, studied hard @ macs, went church today, went visit at hospital, went visit at grandma's place.. my aim this week is to attend all my lessons! hah.

300 Transformers

my bro showed me this once before. and i found it uber creative! haha..

179179179179179

a picture speaks a thousand words.



enough to fit a bus liao loh.. speechless.

the silent me

i had a dream when i was young: i wanted to communicate without talking. how great would it be to live the life of a mute, silently, i would use other means like signing or writing to express myself. but i nv got to realise this dream.

i'm a person who doesn't like to talk much. quiet. solitary. if you know the cheery, outgoing me.. i can say it's not the real me. i realised i've been shaped by my surroundings much to become more outspoken. more determined. to have a goal in mind. to realised my dreams. to try and have confidence in things that i do.

but in actual fact, i am pretty the opposite deep down inside. i like to hide my feelings. i like to keep thoughts to myself. i lack confidence in things i do. i like to 'have no idea of what's happening'.. i like to idle the whole day away without regret. i like time alone. only by spending quiet times alone, stoning, staring into space, seeing the scenery, wondering what's to happen nx, would i 'find myself'.

not that i hate who i am now. i'm not going crazy. hah. in fact i thank my surroundings for moulding me. it's a fortunate thing being able to talk. you can learn many different languages. getting people to understand what you're trying to express is never any easier and convenient. i've always wondered what is 'to have a good talk w someone'.. for me, it's a hard thing to achieve. i rarely bare my thoughts completely.

i'm not surprised to find myself ignoring the surroundings. at times, i dun even give a damn to who just walked past when i'm in my own world. unless i'm back in reality, or you happen to hit me outta my world, only then will you hear 'hi' from me. what can i say, i'm a dreamy and silent fish. hah.

9.8.7

yah, todays' 09月08日07年. cute date. i wish teck a happy birthday.

at e same time i hope for cool weather tmr. sleep! happy weekend.

A Marriage Story

A friend shared w me this story quite long ago.. it really touched my heart and i tear each time as i read it.. =( I dunno who's the author because it was sent as a word doc. so i acknowledge the writer's efforts.. his name is He Ning (in the story. and maybe in real life too?)

"When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

so w the increasing divorce rate in our society today, we should reinforce the idea that marriage is for life.. always look back at the moments we share and cherish them.. relive them if you have to.. =)

raining..

my first attempt to make cheesecake was 80% successful. shall improve! yum~
comex was indeed as packed as expected. what i saw was just 'man mountain man sea'.. w tons of trees lying on the floor -_-" (the pamphlets)..
and nothing beats the cool weather~ =)

happy teachers' day

wasn't feeling gd the whole of yesterday. =( slept, woke up in sweat, slept again.. he came over to visit. brought me a cookie and showed me a program he had created.. haha. so sweet of him. and the program, was created for me.. lol, it first prints a cow on the screen and saying that's me. -_-" upon hitting another key, i was supposed to answer why i'm not a cow. upon hitting enter, it told me that watever i typed was invalid. haha. =D

on another note, today's the annual teachers' day! guess the very last teachers' day we celebrated was in jc in 2004. there's no such thing in uni.. cos they are called 'profs' here.. i think the whole concept of 'being a teacher' takes more than just 'teaching'.. (which some can't even meet e mark)

i've always remembered my pri sch teachers whenever i recall that it's teachers day. one reason could be that it's a holiday?! there's always celebration and stuff (I still remember how far students go to thank their teachers).. another reason would be the role that they've played. when we're of that young age, the people we look upon to would be our parents.. and apparently the next would be our teachers. it's always someone's dream to become a teacher. lol. teachers then were strict, some even abusive.. not just verbal abuse, but really, with the fingers pinching e face.. it really leaves a scar in the child's memories. and i bet she/he will be forever remembered (or condemned). haha.

i'll forever remember my p5 teacher, who happened to teach us for only a year (teachers were supposed to follow-on the nx year as well).. she was an angel.. we all realised, when she left us the following year to an ex-discipline hod ('devil'). =| but sadly, she died the following year due to cancer (while i was in p6) and it was really a shocking and sad news to my class. so many years have passed, yet i still remember her vividly, calling me to pick up books from her table.. =( and it has always been a habit to have her on my mind every teachers' day from then on..

another angel who touched my life was my p5 teacher (just now was the form-teacher, now is chinese teacher haha). and i guess she still continues to do so for her subsequent batches of students. i'm really glad to still be in contact w her after so many years.. she's more like an elder friend now than a strict teacher then.. and through her, i sense the changing scene in the education field.. teachers are having a hard time these days.. being stressed by the management and parents to produce results, yet on the other hand, they have to tackle the kids non-abusively.. on top of that, they have endless meetings, even some crap competition like '超级变变变' also have to die die come up w ideas.. (management stresses that they must win.. -_-") and more recently, they think teachers are walking encyclopedias.. expect them to be able to give talks on something totally not-related to their field.. like on chinese medicine??? wth. aiyo.. i wonder how many kids these days still dream of being a teacher....

anyhow, 教师节快乐!! happy teachers' day!~