a new beginning..?

lack of updates. went into hibernation after foc ended. for some time. this post is gg to be a long one. cos i have too much to reflect upon.

foc has ended. it went well, but not too well, or rather could have been better?! i've to say i'm a person who can't take stress too well. and i tend to go into a state of trance, perhaps as an avoidance? or perhaps my mind really can't think in time. =( maybe should have a quick recap of what happened.. maybe i'll even add in the cockups too.. >.<

dayone - erm lorry was late, didn't manage to borrow loudhailer from sch cos the previous org didn't return after borrowing it. I felt insecure and somehow crippled w/o the loudy in hand. I wasn't confident enough to start off with. I'll admit that I can't speak to big crowds. My tongue gets tied and there seems to be a lesion somewhere. =( Scary. and before i realise it, i was alone and the programs still had to be carried out. So i played the relay msg game w the freshies. me > cgl > gls > freshies. the camp seems quiet without some shoutings from the loudy.. but heck. I guess at least the games were played and it was only day one. i consoled myself. but dayone was the most relaxed day but i was mentally stressed out from thinking how to face the big crowd of 80 freshies w 30 over seniors. (I have to peifu other camps' cp to handle more than 120 freshies in a single camp)

daytwo - this day was supposed to be the most packed out of all. pool games began at 8.30am. again, i tried to address to the crowd w/o e loudy. it failed because i didn't know what to say. cgl had to help me express my words. shibai. =( so midway i played the relay game again. gd that things still get started in the end. something major happened on the log side. chair overslept, vchair n welfare went off to assess the situation. things didn't seem so good to handle as the sky turns cloudy.. had to prepare backup plan in the event of rain. but w the log being held up elsewhere, there was no way things could be done. =( but luckily chair woke up in time to pick up the situation. >.< the sky cleared just as the situation gets more time to be solved. so the programmes went along as planned.

for the entire day, i had a question stuck in my mind. headache. sp - to do or not to do. it was tearing me down somehow. cos the day before, the game of sp had already begin w letter writing. (which i admit we shouldn't have started even in the first place.) but just to prove that the ratio is so screwed that we needed additional 30 guys to play the game in order to get 66 pairs of SPs, the game started but headed to nowhere. (kill me pls) so for the entire camp, the idea of sp became a torture to me instead of tingling memories.. I really have no idea who came up w this idea. is it because we're uni? sdu needs to see something like this in order to get sponsors? freshies came for the camp to make a sp? =( i had nice memories of it. i want them to experience what i've experienced too. but given such situations, i had absolutely no idea how to get things done. seniors to pair w a few freshies? even if we had to do that, it would be 3 freshies to one senior. hah. i can feel my mind going crazy about this issue once again. as if i have to conduct another sp just tmr. =( nightmare? a sweet dream?

daytwo was supposed to be looooooong. if not for the lousy weather. initiation was going well as planned. then it started to pour heavily. =( i think the weather's really screwed up, this period should have been the hottest of the entire year. but i dun see why it kept raining. haiz. so daytwo ended w the freshies saved from the evil forces of the seniors. sigh. i agree we should do anti-raindance before camps. to ward off the rains. u must think tt i'm mad.

daythree - amazing race day! woohoo~ again. the rain seemed to have drenched the freshies but definitely not their spirits.. i hoped so. i guess this was the most gruelling day for the pple behind e scenes (which is my comm). because after long hours out of school, they had to rush to the ending point to carry out the nx task - fright night. i guessed the effect was better than what we had for seniors camp. =) great job by fellow programmers. but it also showed the ugly side of the freshies.. tsk tsk.. it was only between the prgs and freshies. i'm sure the rest didn't know. but it was scary from the feedback i got. =( did we have such abuse last year? i only heard there were much 'hands' over the bodies.. but kicking someone underneath the table was madness! i wondered what were they thinking.. stayed up the entire night.. had gd talk w some pple. it made me think about what else could have been done regarding this camp. perhaps the GLs should have attended all the progs meetings.. even they should have given ideas of what kind of games they deem fit to play for focs.. (instead of complaining later on) =( lotsa thoughts.. before i could stone, the sun was already up. and before i could close my eyes. the breakfast was here and we're to set off in hours' half time. it was the longest night for me.

dayfour - the weather proved to be a challenge. again. the overcast skies turned into downpour as we headed towards sentosa for beach games. oh man. how to play games on the beach with the rain. and would there be any shelter at sentosa? then i was told to make a decision whether to head for sentosa or alternatively, back to ntu and save the entrance fees$$$.. took quite some time to decide (i can't seem to decide on things very well) and we decided to head for sentosa w the little drizzle and overcast sky. glad we did that, cos before long, the sky cleared up and it was sunny again~ time for beach games~ but the timings were off.. some stations lasted longer than the other.. so some ogs had to wait for other ogs.. but overall i still thought things went ok.. until.. came the afternoon. when it was a little rush and messed up. i decided to give up the around sentosa again since there wasn't enough time (bus come too early, my fault) so sent everyone in my comm back to ntu to help w the night. it was painful to see tt the arrangements wasn't planned.. but luckily things still got sorted out in the end. though it was much waiting on the freshies' side.. i assumed they were busy w their skits.. it wasn't a long night and it was the only night that i could rest. the only thing in mind was the nx day - finale. i was doing last min stuff - sewing headbands for tmr.

dayfive - woke up to find someone beside. stunned for a while. but realised i was late. nope. the freshies are too early. so is the breakfast. the freshies are already up and heading for breakfast. omg. my prog are still in bed! >.< had to rush them a little, make them move things to src and set up before they could even settle for breakfast. =( sigh. gave a little briefing to start off the finale. it was still hard to speak even with the loudy. it was me. but heng my boss came.. he sort of saved me times n times. (from giving briefings, tt is) and in the afternoon. again. for the big headache.. sp.. as many were complaining why there wasn't any conclusion to it. was told they were very disappointed. but well. nx time we should set quotas for gender ratio. =( hopefully nx year will be better. the ending seemed a little weird. the location wasn't too gd w another foc having station game at the back. the mood wasn't too good either (even after finale). the prize presentation also abit weird. chair announcing results and vchair giving out prizes?! hmm. apologies to him. i should have taken the loudy instead. but i was blanked out regarding the sp issue. =( nonetheless.. everything seem to conclude in the end.. as the freshies headed home after the not-so-tired camp..

this post has gotten too long before i realised it. there's still things i wanna add though. but as time passed.. i tend to forget much of things that i wanted to write down. again. what have i achieved out of this camp? being a sole cp isn't really that great. i had a choice - to get someone to fill up the post but he/she will slack. or to do-it-yourself and receive help from my prgs. i chose the latter. but i didn't delegate jobs too well. perhaps i could have diff ACPs for each day. =P overall, i feel that i've still not overcomed my barrier of speaking in front of crowd. indeed. presentations and such.. i'm not cut for it. chui. how am i gg to survive my fyp? =(

one camp. five days. twelve hours of sleep. i survived. blessed me.